As men, we are programmed to almost fear women.
We put them on pedestals; worship them and pretty much go out of our way to do everything for them.
This method is flawed.
A friend of mine a while ago was going out with this woman. She’d had a history of going out with “undesirable” men before she met him.
My friend took this onboard, and by the time she’d finished with him, he was washing her car, doing her shopping, giving her lifts at all hours, and walking her dog.
So she left him.
Inevitably, my friend and I ended up at the pub, where he drowned his sorrows, and picked over the loss of his former relationship.
“But I did everything for her,” he told me.
Which was precisely the reason she left.
Men have been convinced for years that what women really want is a nice guy.
Someone who’ll do everything for them, compliment them daily, and ring them often to tell how they feel, and is in touch with his inner sensitive self.
The truth of the matter is that no woman has ever been attracted by a bloke she can boss around.
You might be together for a little while, but eventually she’ll be bored out of her mind.
Suddenly you’ve become the predictable guy who comes home from work at 6pm every evening, conversation with you is repetitive, arguments become more frequent, and sex goes out of the window.
And if a woman EVER tells you that you are such a nice guy, or a good friend, you’ve blown it.
You’ve been placed in the Friend Zone, and you probably aren’t coming back from that.
A lot of men seem to think that women go for looks, power and money.
For some women, maybe.
And obviously no woman is going to hook up with a guy she doesn’t have some attraction for.
But for the most part, women are looking for something that most men don’t get.
As someone who has spent a great deal of time over the years talking to my female friends about these issues, what I have learned is the legendary list of things that have been burned into men brains regarding what women want in a guy should be taken with the proverbial pinch of salt.
There is a danger this blog is going to turn into a full length novel, so I’ll wrap this up until part two.
Men think you have to be:
Attentive to her every need.
Some women go out with guys, and automatically think of ways to “improve” him.
Some guys resist, but what normally happens is the bloke will gradually go along with this.
Some will change their dress sense, phone their woman to tell her when they’re coming back from work, text their partners daily to see how their day is – the list goes on.
But what most men fail to realize is – unless you are some kind of caveman who scratches his nuts in public – this is a TEST.
Your woman is actively testing you.
This is not always a conscious decision on her part.
She may not even realize she is doing this.
And through these tests, she’ll find out how argumentative, petty, jealous, and pliable you are.
And once she’s finished finding out how much she can influence your emotional state, she’ll be off.
Usually off into the arms of a bloke who’s nothing like you.
So if you get to the point where as a bloke you’re overly paranoid, critical, argumentative, or a bit of a pussy, your woman WILL leave.
Maybe not straight away, but she’s already planning her exit strategy – a way of extracting herself with minimum fallout.
The bloke, on the other hand, will usually ring or text her repeatedly, begging for a second chance.
There will probably be a promise from the guy to “change.”
It’ll be different this time.
All this begging, pleading and promises ultimately leads to the bloke pushing his former girlfriend further away.
An alternative situation is that woman meets man.
Man is confident, self-assured and has a certain air about him.
Woman is intrigued, a relationship begins.
Over time, man slowly begins to change because he believes deep down the woman wants him to.
He slowly begins to cater to her every whim.
Asks her for permission to get intimate, spends an hour stroking her arm on the settee as a prelude to sex.
She, on the other hand, is wishing that one day she’d come home from work, he’d rip the clothes from her body in an explosion of passion.
That doesn’t happen, she no longer feels sexy enough for him, arguments begin, and all is lost.
Of course, I’ve simplified and condensed this process, but you get the picture.
In closing, a list of things that men as a rule, shouldn’t do.
1) Argue, or bitch constantly how bad your life is.
Pointless. Doesn’t work – and all she’ll remember is all the times you argued.
You have enough arguments, she won’t remember the good times.
And if you spend all your time at home constantly bitching about how hard you have it at work, she’ll be bored out of her mind
2) Agree with everything or do everything for her.
Sometimes women want to hear the word “No.”
Where’s the challenge if you blindly agree with everything that comes out of her mouth?
If you disagree, say so. But be nice about it.
As for doing everything she demands, forget it. Reasonable requests sure.
Outrageous demands are a test.
Say no, and leave it at that.
Blokes who set themselves up as doormats get women’s feet wiped on them and left.
3) Constant phone calls and texts to find out how her day is going.
If you’ve kissed her goodbye in the morning, you really don’t need to be ringing her constantly throughout the day.
Now she thinks you’re checking up on her.
Some women do actually like a bit of jealousy, prove you value her as a girlfriend or wife, or whatever.
But there’s a fine line between mild jealously, and stalking her after she’s gone out with some friends to see who she’s been talking to.
4) Seeing an attractive woman at a bar or club, and spending the entire night telling her how gorgeous she is.
Attractive women hear this all the time. Everyone likes a compliment, but she’s heard yours from various guys over and over again.
If something original, and witty comes out of your mouth, this is a lot better than over the top, predictable compliments.
5) Changing purely because she demands it.
This is a TEST.
If you like football, continue watching.
If you don’t like wearing ties, don’t wear one.
If you like playing “The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time” continue.
The alternative is she’ll change you into a bloke even she doesn’t want.
You have been warned…..
Copyright © Mark A. McPherson 2012.
All rights reserved.