Normally when Jehovah Witnesses knock at the door, I suppose the typical response would be to tell them that you’re not interested, you don’t want to buy a copy of Watchtower, and despite the fact that you are clearly destined for Hell, you are far too busy to attend Kingdom Hall to discuss salvation.

That’s not what I do.

Knock on door. Open door. Jehovah Witnesses? Come in. Tea? I’ll just put the kettle on.

At this point both of them are looking a little confused.
This is not the response they are used to.

Now, bear in mind that I used to be extremely religious.
I used to hold Bible study groups in my house, and stood in the street to engage people on the joys of religion.
Happy days.

So we settle down to discuss the finer points of religion:

Me: “That’s all very interesting. What’s your opinion on dinosaurs?”

Jehovah Witness: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Dinosaurs. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. No mention of dinosaurs though, I’ve checked. Even though bones have been dug up. I’ve seen them in museums.”

I’m aware at this point, I’ve sparked off a discussion of Creationism vs Evolution.
But I will proceed.

JW: “Er, dinosaurs didn’t exist.”

Me: “So the bones I’ve seen are fake?”

JW: “I’m not saying that, just that they didn’t exist.”

What? I decide to change tact.

Me: “How about incest? Is that ok?”

JW: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, Adam and Eve were the first two people on the planet. Where did everybody else come from?”

JW: “I don’t follow.”

Me (patiently): Adam and Eve were the first. They had kids. If there was no incest, there would be no other people.”

JW: “Erm….”

Me: “Following on from this, when Cain killed Abel, Cain was banished and took up residence in the land of Fugitiveness to the east of Eden. Afterward Cain had intercourse with his wife and she became pregnant and gave birth to Enoch.”

JW: “Yes.”

Me: “By my reckoning, Cain’s wife was also his sister – which I’m pretty sure you can be arrested for. Anyway after this, he built a city (no mention of him getting help with this) which eventually ended up becoming populated. Where did these citizens come from?”

JW: “Well it’s been good talking with you, but we have to go.”

Me: “That’s a shame. I have biscuits…..”

Copyright © Mark A. McPherson 2012.
All rights reserved.